“There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish. But what are they for so many?”
Five loaves and two fish. The lord has spoken this to me multiple times in the last two days. In this season I often find myself worn out, tired, and exhausted. Not from what we are doing but from just the emotions of it all. To be completely honest it's the little things like the wind, or the snow, or I guess it's now the melted snow that is mud right in front of my door that I do my best not to step in yet it happens every day. My emotions are just done. I have reached the end of what I can give as a person. Often I feel I am unable to love any deeper. I just can't give anymore. And then I turn to God and He tells me all I want are the five loaves and the two fish. Is that too much to ask? And I ponder this idea. Instead of over doing it all God asks of me is to give what I can and let him do the rest. He never asked me to move the mountains or to stop the winds (which I wish I could) He just asked me to have a little faith and He would do the heavy lifting. I guess in this time I am learning it's not anything I can do but everything He can. It's not about me and my abilities it's about Him and His abilities. He is taking the little I give each day and magnifying it in his kingdom. To be honest I have no idea what that means or how that plays out. All I know is that He has it under control and that I can trust Him to make it better than I would ever expect. Maybe I will never see it here on the reservation; maybe I won't even see it a year from now. But I know I will look back and say I gave what God asked of me. I put in my five loaves and two fish. The rest was up to him.